Worship
by The Laughing Phoenix
Summary: Some people need a Cause to devote themselves to. Grant Ward happens to be one of them.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks to **teacup_of_doom** and **rusting_roses** for beta-reading and general awesomeness.

This isn't a particularly Ward-friendly fic: he creeps me out. If that's not your cup of tea, this is your warning.

* * *

It took him…a while, to pull himself back together after everything that happened with Garrett and Centipede. He'd never had his world pulled out from under him quite like that before, and without the offering of an anchor he floundered. Badly.

That he managed to attempt suicide four times despite being in custody was in its own way testament to the excellent work SHIELD and HYDRA had done training him. He'd have been amused, at the time, if he'd had he energy.

He was never quite sure when the epiphany hit him: simply waiting around for a purpose would no longer be enough - he would have to simply find his own. And then the perfect solution occurred and he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner. _Her_. He'd loved Skye even as Garrett's right hand, what better use for his life and loyalty than to devote himself to her?

It would be different, of course, than what he'd been for Garrett. Garrett was capable of taking care of himself, all he'd needed to be was a loyal operative, but for Skye? She was tough, gutsy and smart, but she needed the benefit of his experience in the field, of his connections. A bodyguard at minimum, a protector. Someone she could trust to have her six, to smooth her way where possible.

The memory of her face when she'd screamed at him for being HYDRA, for lying to the team, was distressing, and he swore he'd never lie to her again. She'd get nothing but truth from him, and once she'd seen how useful he could be to her things could be better. They'd never go back to how they'd been, he wasn't that naive, but… better than they currently were, that he could believe in.

But he was getting ahead of himself. For any of that to happen, he had to be in better condition than he was now. Skye deserved better than the half-broken, crazed thing he'd let himself become.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Leaning against his desk, watching the large screen currently showing the feed from Ward's cell, Coulson frowned. In the cell, Ward was doing push-ups. The audio was muted, but the camera angle caught the movement of Ward's lips as he counted. When he reached his designated number, Ward held position for a minute, then lithely flipped over and began doing crunches.

"Watching him again?"

Coulson turned to see May in the doorway, and waved her in. "His mental state's improving. Time was he spent his days curled in a ball, barely moving to eat or drink."

"Mmmm. Questioning him's gotten both more and less difficult. Less, because he's actually coherent most of the time, and more because he's started pushing again."

"Losing Garrett damaged him," Coulson agreed, studying the feed. "Without that authority figure he was drifting - I suspect he's found another purpose by now."

"It'll be Skye." At Coulson's raised eyebrows, May elaborated. "He was utterly gone on her by the hunt for Nash, and he apparently spent his share of time after taking her from Providence trying to convince her of the fact."

"Really?"

"I'm not blind, Coulson. And besides, I'm her SO now, she tells me things."

"Good. Keep an eye on that for me, would you?"

"You think it'll become an issue?"

"I have no intention of letting Grant Ward loose," Coulson said levelly, eyes focused on Ward, still doing crunches in his cell. "But at this rate, he'll clam up sooner rather than later, and it may come down to Skye having to get information from him."

* * *

A/N: A short attempt to dip into the murky waters of Ward's psyche, periodically unnerving myself with what I find along the way.


	2. Chapter 2

Tag to Season 2 episode 1, "Shadows".

* * *

In retrospect, he should have known it was going to be anything but easy. Not the getting back into fighting form, if he flattered himself when he said his skills hadn't atrophied in his confinement, it wasn't by much. Besides, he had a lot of free time on his hands these days. There were worse ways to spend it.

No, it was reminding Skye she could trust him that was difficult. In fairness, he'd played his part as a HYDRA mole very, very well, and he knew he'd scared her after Providence. He'd miscalculated, and he regretted it. "Once burned, twice shy," wasn't that how the saying went?

When she finally appeared, Grant was ready. Sort of. He'd underestimated the effect speaking with her would have on him, the swoop of his stomach and the tightness in his chest. Oh, she was all business, but Grant made a point of the social niceties, of promising his loyalty and all the truths he possessed. Skye cut him off more than once, but she seemed to need the information on Creel and HYDRA communications in a hurry, and Coulson was almost certainly watching. That was fine - Grant had plenty of information tucked away inside his head, and throwing Coulson a bone for opportunities to talk to Skye? An easy choice.

He wasn't sorry for having withheld the information about her father until now. She wasn't interested in what he had to say, and he couldn't make her listen. He was just going to have to convince her. Anyway, as desperate as she was to learn where she'd come from, he'd been sitting on it thus far. A few extra days wouldn't hurt.

There were questions he anticipated. "How do you know this" was relatively straight-forward, but "why didn't you tell me" would be trickier. The rawest, ugliest truth is that it wasn't important to him before - up until Garrett's death, that was where Grant's loyalties had been. Garrett didn't feel like Skye needed that information, so Grant didn't pass what little he knew over. (Whether Garrett even knew he had the pieces Skye needed was a separate question entirely. Grant suspected not, Coulson played Skye's past pretty close to the vest, but then again Garrett had other things on his mind so he might not have cared.)

Obviously that wasn't an answer he could give to Skye. He'd have to think on it, now that he'd seen her again, figure out the best way to phrase it so it wouldn't cause her pain. He'd promised to protect her. That included protecting her from distressing news.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arms folded, Coulson watched Skye walk away from the freshly blanked wall of Ward's cell. Sighing he turned to May. "She's not happy with me for sending her down there."

May snorted. "Did you expect her to be?"

"No, not really."

"Well then."

Coulson straightened. "All things considered, I think it went relatively well. Let's hope we don't have to do that again for a while."

"You don't really think we'll be that lucky, do you."

"Nope. But I can always hope." May hummed and turned to walk away. "Hey," Coulson said. "I know you don't like it either, but we don't have a whole lot of options."

"I don't disagree, but I don't think that this is the best way to go about it."

"I know. Check on her for me?"

"Of course."


End file.
